It’s been a hard few weeks. I’ve been going to work at full speed despite the Covid-19 but found myself completely deflated when I came home. I am so lucky to continue to work and do what I love; I get to see my patients, continue bringing life into this world (even though it is scary world right now) and I still do essential surgery cases. But… the passion was not the same.

I felt split in two. One wanting to honor my work, my passion, my oath. The other was the need to protect my family from myself. What if I came home with the Corona virus? What if I was the vector that caused my husband and children to get sick? The news and social media kept pounding me with new data I relentlessly tried to keep up; throwing stories of families struck with disasters; flashing me with spring breakers not doing their part with social distancing… Are you kidding me? How can we function as a nation if we do not come together? I felt let down as a physician who is fighting to make sure my patients are safe so my family and friends could be safe. The numbers in the America started surpassing the rest of the world and I only felt more stress. I could not show it. I am supposed to show a strong front. Be strong for my patients, my husband, my kids, my friends… I shouldn’t complain. I still have a job that I love. My health…

Then I realized I am one person that cares for multiple people. I need to set the example and push the right message out there. I am not perfect but can achieve what I want. After a good cry I started to continue to send information about women’s health through multiple outlets; I continued to write for my own sanity; and I let go because it is ok. I cried the whole night and tomorrow I am better.